I am Torn

The more I write on here I am well aware the..well lest say stranger I am going to make myself sound. Having said that, so it is out in the open and recognized..

For the past week or so I have been trying to be like an ostrich, along the lines of it I can't (or in this case won't) see it, then it isn't really happening.As in head in the sand. Spencer (my baby who will most likely from now on be referred to as Bitsy, a name he has had since he came home from the hospital)has been showing signs he is ready to be toilet trained****post on hold I need to snuggle Addison*****(Although that may get annoying..I want to include "disturbances" as this is firstly and fore mostly a journal for my children)a normal sane person would probably be pouncing on this opportunity. For me however it makes me heartsad ( if that makes sence?) My head is saying"this is great, lets get it started" but my heart, and what I tend to think with mostly is saying he is just so little, he is my little baby. "I think we should wait a bit longer.." So, anyone that knows me will no what the outcome of this dilemma will be...